Moving Away From Home

Moving away from home is often times already a scary concept for people in general, but for us Aspies, I have found that it is even more difficult. At 26 years old I had decided to move to Michigan from my home state which is Minnesota. I had a friend that lived there, and for me it was an exciting new venture, However, when I had decided to move, I had felt I had nothing left here for me.  My parents aren't the most supportive people. They are negative and the home environment is a little bit toxic to me, However, I know they generally mean well and love me despite everything. I had just lost a couple of friendships due to drama, as well as was just abused by someone who manipulated me. I felt really depressed. So, I thought maybe moving away would be healing. 

However, the 3 months it took me to officially move there, I had met new friends, found a different support network from someone new I was starting to see, and then ended up falling for him a few weeks before I was supposed to leave. I had still committed to moving, my job had already made the official transfers, and I felt obligated to still  go because of that. So I still ended up leaving with a long distance relationship. 

When I got there, the job gave me way more hours than I should have gotten, I was only supposed to be hired part time and they gave me full time hours, and even though I wasn't complaining about the paycheck, the long hours took a toll on me emotionally and Mentally. This aspie had worked in fast food customer service type jobs, and the old store was really understanding of my condition, and some people just knew how to handle me. The New store I transferred to, didn't understand  when I tried explaining what aspergers is and what it means to live mildly Autistic. They were constantly putting me down, and I felt I was being somewhat harassed because they wouldn't take the time to try and understand my needs. So that didn't help at all either. Long hours of dealing with customer after customer, and people after people, and dealing with constant complaints about my slow work performance. 

During the course of the month I had been in Michigan, I had a melt down and several small mini break downs while I was there and was severely depressed. I was not adjusting well and the stress was overwhelming. I had many nights where I'd curl up into a ball and just stare at the wall. I'd shut down. I had shut down several times there. My friend that I was living with wasn't that much of a comfort, and since I hadn't really known very many people in the state I had moved to, I was alone, didn't have anyone else to talk to, no support network, and my boyfriend was really busy some weeks and couldn't be able to give me all the attention I needed over skype anyways. I felt lost, scared, and unsafe. I started hating it there and resenting it. So I decided to quit my job, packed up, and move back home. I had lots of help from my loving, caring, and understanding boyfriend who had drove all the way over there to come get me. If I didn't have him I wouldn't have known what to do. 

So because of this experience with moving, I had decided that I will never move out of state again, just because I really don't think I can handle moving to someplace where I have no support network. No Friends, or relatives to help me if I fall, and it just wasn't the best situation at all. Making friends is hard enough as it is, with being aspergers, and then going to a new environment and trying to make new friends is exhausting. My job also didn't help. My aspie traits were triggered there and people knew I wasn't all that up to par with the rest of the people working there.

My advice for aspie people who want to move to another state, for whatever reason, make sure you have a support network to fall back on; have a plan B incase something happens; Research and find Aspie services and support groups in order to get help coping with the big change; utilize any services if you need to; have a job advocate to advocate for you on your behalf; and lastly, listen to your gut. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. 

Now I am unemployed with a stack of bills, and even though I am recovering from the black pit of despair of depression, I wish I had known these things before moving, and wish I had never gone over there in the first place. I have realized I do not deal with change very well, even if the experience is supposed to be positive. I kind of also romanticized moving out and being on my own when maybe I should of been way more realistic about it.  Not every aspie is going to have bad experiences like mine was, but I hope that I have helped others to gain a more realistic approach instead of just doing what I did, and that was jump into something that I might not have been able to handle.